You Can't Save Me
by idefyu
Summary: Tessa is wracked with waking nightmares. Alone and tired of it, she turns to Jem AND Will. When she is with them the demons seem to be driven away if only for a time. A twisted love triangle is formed when she won't choose, can't choose, clinging to both boys, each for different reasons. Post-CWA
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Hello! This little scenario has been burning in my head since I finished 'Clockwork Angel' and I noticed that there weren't very many fanfics yet so I thought I would put mine up. I hope you guys enjoy it and please let me know what you think of it!**_

Tessa could not catch her breath.

She had been looking out the window all morning. People watching.

But every time a person would face her direction, the air in her lungs would stop. Everyone looked like the clockwork corpses.

A man standing at the corner of the streets clutching a severed arm waved at her manically.

She clutched the little clockwork angel around her neck tightly and shut her eyes counting down from five then opened them again to find the man she thought was a clockwork monster was in fact just a harmless street vendor, holding out the a bundle of daisies. She finally was able to let go of the breath she did not even know she was holding and inhaled a deep breath and slumped into the armchair beneath her.

These waking nightmares were becoming too much. Months had passed and still she was not recovered.

She could hardly leave the house without going into fits of panic.

Company was out of the question, although who would actually visit her?

Jessamine? Charlotte? They had their own troubles.

Besides, there was only one person she wanted to speak to.

Will.

The name alone brought on such strong feelings of anger and sadness all intertwined, that she didn't know whether to cry or to beat her fist into the paneling. He kept to himself mostly. She saw him in passing and at meals on occasion.

They had a silent agreement on visitation with Jem.

A couple hours in the afternoons belonged to her, and the evenings were Will's.

The day in the attic with Will, played in her mind over and over again.

She felt sickened with herself every time.

Not for anything she had done, but the thoughts she entertained.

When will suggested that she, for all intensive purposes, be his whore…we'll the idea didn't anger her as much as it should have, she thought disgustedly.

She knew deep in her heart that if Will were to come to her room right now and kiss her, she would kiss him back.

Just the thought of his lips on her brought involuntary shiver to her skin.

She would let him do what he wanted to her.

Anything.

She wanted it too.

Not the kind of thoughts a proper young lady should have.

Jem though.

He eased her pain.

Made her forget about Will if only for a hour or two.

It was enough.

Everyday she anticipated the scarce time she was allowed to spend with Jem.

He kept her sane.

Kept her human.

Will made her feel like an animal, a creature unworthy of even a glance or a word in greeting.

A lowly downworlder. She caught the slight wrinkle in his brow whenever they had to pass each other. Like he found her quite disgusting.

Yes, but apparently she is not too appalling to be his mistress as he offered her, Tessa thought to herself bitterly.

She tried to keep the anger.

Tried her hardest to hold onto, cling to a shred of her humanity.

Even if it was such a base emotion as anger.

But alas, it always slipped away.

Here in her room she ached.

All day she yearned for something.

Something she couldn't name, couldn't quite place, something out of reach.

Or was it?

In the past few months she had grown closer to Jem, but thoughts of Will always occupied her mind.

Lofty thoughts such as a courtship between them or a romance were too farfetched, even in her dreams.

The most she could imagine was a tryst.

A scandalous affair.

To be used.

Her only option to be near Will.

Let him use her any way he wished.

She hated herself for even imaging this but she was so desperately lonely.

Yesterday had been what she called a good day.

No imaginary monsters.

During her time with Jem she felt calm.

It probably had something to do with the large amounts of brandy she let Jem slip into her tea.

Usually Tessa and Jem would finish their laced tea then relax on his large bed.

Spending enough time with Jem, Tessa lost the reservations she had about being inappropriate around a man.

How could she care about such things now that she wasn't really even human?

So after they collapsed on the bed, side by side, a story was usual in order.

They took turns each day.

They would make up outlandish tales and describe them to the other until they went into fits of laughter.

Yesterday had been Jem's turn. He spun a tale about a boy who had to hide the fact that every time he saw an attractive girl, he would sprout a large bushy tail.

By the end of the story and a few rude innuendo's, Tessa was giggling uncontrollably.

"Shh!" Jem laughed as he tried halfheartedly to quite her laughter.

"Your draw the whole house in here!" He joked smiling broadly.

"Don't you want to share your tale with everyone?" Tessa asked giggling still.

"No. just you Tessa." Jem said touching Tessa's chin softly.

"What about Will?" Tessa asks skeptically.

"Will tells the stories when he's around. Just you Tessa. You're the only one who hears my tales." Jem whispered the last part.

Slowly Jem leaned in, giving Tessa enough time to back away should she want to, and kissed her.

Tessa remained motionless for a moment then moved her lips to match his.

His skin was cool and his kiss tasted of brandy and mint.

When Will kissed her she burned, she ached for him, hot and uncontrolled.

With Jem it was patient and steady, but the ache was there too.

A hunger, same as with Will.

Tessa pressed herself to Jem and his arm found its way around her and rested on the small of her back where he gently but firmly held her against him.

Her breath was coming in short gasps but she wanted more.

One of her hands caressed the side of his face, while the other combed through the silken locks of his hair.

Her leg had become tangled with his and her heart was beating loudly. How long they lay there kissing, Tessa did not know.

Only when the door opened did they finally break away from each other.

They must have been kissing a while and overlapped into Will's time with Jem because Will now stood staring blank faced at the scene before him.

**Thanks for reading, please review and let me know what you think okay? Thanks.**


	2. Chapter 2

Will said nothing as he stood in the entry way, simply waited.

Tessa hastily jumped up and straightened her skirts and kept her eyes to the ground.

Jem layed back on the bed, looking rather relaxed and calm.

A small smile played on his lips as he watched Tessa's embarrassment.

Blushing furiously, Tessa pushed passed Will into the hall way.

Yes, yesterday had been a good day until that moment.

Tessa hated that Will's face had been unreadable. She wanted to know how he felt, what he thought about what he witnessed between Jem and her and vainly, she wanted him to be jealous.

But he remained stoic, unfeeling, his eyes never landing on her even as she shoved him to escape the room.

But today was a new day, filled most likely with new horrors and disappointments. A knock on the door finally roused Tessa from her perch by the window.

The new maid Wendy, come to straighten her room, and her indicator that it was now time for her to visit with Jem.

Feeling slightly nervous about today's meeting, Tessa made her way through the labyrinth of hallways to Jem's quarters.

She wondered what Will and Jem spoke of after she fled yesterday.

Did they talk of her?

Was Will upset?

Again, she hoped so.

Tessa was lost in her thoughts and arrived quicker than she expected, but instead of knocking as she always did before she entered she paused and noted that the door was already cracked.

Tepidly Tessa pushed it open an inch and peeked in. She could hear distinct arguing.

Will paced the room back and forth as Jem sat in the large armchair motioning angrily with his arms.

A fraction of an inch more and she could hear what they were arguing about.

Her.

"Jem, you are too trusting!" Will seethed.

"Too trusting? Where as you trust no one? I like her, end of story." Jem said plainly.

Will shook his head in annoyance.

"Besides, why do you care Will? You never speak to her anymore. You don't even look at her. What is the problem?" Jem asked with genuine curiosity.

"She's not one of us is all." Will offered lamely. Jem wasn't buying it.

"I'm sure it didn't bother you before, what changed? I know you upset her but she wouldn't tell me the whole thing." Said Jem

"Nothing happened, she simply didn't like what I had to offer." Will said smiling wryly.

Jem wasn't smiling.

He looked unbelieving at Will, his eyes narrowing.

"Will, she is my one distraction these days aside from you. I know I don't have long. I am enjoying what little moments I have." Jem said

"Don't say things like that Jem, you know I don't like you talking like that." Will said frowning.

"Well its true. I just don't understand the deal with you two." Admitted Jem.

Will said nothing.

"Do you hate her so much that you couldn't put it aside for a few hours together with me?" Jem asked

Will's jaw set at Jem's words, they upset him.

"I don't hate her, that's the problem. I like her too." Will confessed.

Jem looked sympathetically to his friend. He knew how hard it was for Will to open up and let anyone in.

"Then why don't you stay today when she comes? We can all spend the afternoon together." Jem said brightening up.

"I don't know. I don't think she will like that very much either." Will said wearily.

"I am sure she'll be fine with it." Jem said

The rest of the conversation failed to compute to Tessa as they went into talk about demons and runes and such. She decided it was about time she made her entrance.

She knocked lightly as she always did and the door nudged open.

Jem's face lit up a bit when he saw her.

She tried to pretend she had no idea why Will was seated in the room during her Jem time.

"Tessa, I know this is your time, but do you think you would mind terribly if Will joined us? I miss being with both of you." Jem explained

Tessa tried to wipe her face of emotion before she spoke.

"Oh Jem it's no bother at all." She said dismissively, but her voice was a note higher than normal.

Jem smiled and looked to Will as if to say 'See, I told you'.

"So tea as usual then boys?" Tessa asked grinning mischievously at Jem.

"Yes, yes. Tea it is!" Jem announced springing from the bed smiling broadly.

Will's mouth was trying to suppress a small smile.

Jem went to the tea cart that the Wendy must have delivered right before she roused Tessa a while ago.

Jem busied himself pouring the tea, while Tessa turned her back, pretending that she was unaware of the brandy that Jem always slipped into their tea.

A cup was placed into her hand and the three of them sat quietly for a moment sipping the laced tea.

"Well, this tea is marvelous I must say." Will exclaimed jokingly and Jem laughed.

Suddenly thirsty, Tessa drained her cup.

"Can I get you another? Will asked, speaking to her for the first time in weeks.

"Yes please." Tessa managed only to add,

"And do make sure you add a little uh, extra _sugar_ if you don't mind." Tessa said knowing he would know she meant brandy. He nodded and for a second she was gifted with one of his old smiles.

If she was going to spend the day with both Will and Jem, she would have to have a little assistance.

Jem Smiled at her request, but said nothing.

Will handed her the cup and there fingers touched momentarily. Her body reacted of its own accord, heating and aching for more than the innocent graze.

Will averted his eyes and went back to ignoring her.

After the third cup of tea Tessa was feeling quite liberated. After some coaxing she convinced Jem to play a bit of music for them.

Bravely, Tessa took Will's hand and made him join her in a dance.

He looked for a moment as if he would resist, but then he caved and swayed drunkenly with Tessa, letting the magic of Jem's music take over them both.

**Thank you again for reading and please take moment to let me know what you thought. **


	3. Chapter 3

The pair whirled around, the room now a blur, each becoming dizzy and giddy at the same time.

Tessa felt on high alert, every grip of Will's hand, every twist and turn she felt herself swoon.

So much time without speaking to him, being around him.

She craved his very presence.

Laughing so happily, Will actually smiling, you would think they had never fallen out.

When he held her body close to his, the breath nearly left her.

So intense was the feel of his solid form against her.

She couldn't help what happened next.

Her lips found his.

Not caring if this was proper or what he might think of her later.

She felt she had been starved and now she was being gluttonous, taking in all she could of him while she could.

He could have pulled away from her.

Embarrass her by driving yet another dagger into her fragile heart, but he didn't.

He kissed her back.

His lips hot and rough against hers.

When he began to pull away from her she looked up at him dazed.

The music had stopped.

They both turned at the same time to Jem.

She didn't know what she expected his reaction to be, but it definitely was not to see him grinning at them.

"Anyone care for a smoke?" Jem asked nonchalantly, as if nothing had happened.

Will cleared his throat, stepping away from Tessa and nodded to Jem who held out a small silver cigarette case to him.

The three sat on the floor and Tessa hesitantly took a cigarette.

She had never smoked before.

She had to admit that she was curious, same as she had been with the brandy and it turned out that she liked brandy just fine when mixed in tea.

"Now Tessa, I must warn you. These aren't your average cigarettes. These are a special sort." Jem said, as Will smirked at him knowingly.

"What do you mean by special? Like a rare tobacco or something?" Tessa asked, ignorant to the meaning of Jem's words.

The boys laughed, but said no more.

Feeling like she would be the butt of a joke if she didn't take one, she brushed off the laughter directed at her and held up her cigarette to be lit.

Jem took it from her and lit it, taking a deep breath. He motioned for Tessa to come closer to him.

Confused, she scooted closer as Jem leaned in for what seemed like a kiss.

When his lips met hers, he released the smoke into her mouth.

She gasped in surprise and choked on the smoke.

Almost instantly she felt a bit dizzier.

"These are quite strong Jem." Will said, taking a puff of his own exhaling the smoke in rings.

Jem meanwhile shared another smoky kiss with Tessa, but this time after the smoke slipped from their lips, his lips remained on hers.

Tenderly he his tongue dipped into her mouth, so slowly as if he was giving her time to flee.

She couldn't move if she wanted to.

So confused was her mind.

Every touch she felt some of the panic she always carried with her slip away.

Every kiss she felt herself fall deeper into the blissful abyss that was free of waking nightmares.

Will's hand gently caressed her back, and for a moment she tried to consider what this meant.

She was kissing Jem and be touched by Will…whatever qualms that might she might have entertained were quickly put to rest when Will's lips met the nape of her neck, peppering the skin with small, burning hot kisses.

Her breath was now coming in short gasps, the cigarette intensifying everything she felt.

She wanted to be touched, to forget everything but also to touch.

She brought her hand blindly back to Will's face, wanting to feel him and know he was really here with her and the other tangled in Jem's silky hair.

She knew she should wonder why the boys were so easily sharing her, and she should also be disgusted with herself for allowing them to share her, but she couldn't do either.

All she knew was that she felt so good.

She hadn't felt this light and warm in so very long she wanted to draw it out, make it last forever.

"Tessa." Both boys breathed at the same time, the resonating of her name brought a shiver to her.

She began to feel like she was melting in their arms and she loved it.

A knock at the door broke them apart, Will standing abruptly and Jem slipping Tessa from his arms and moving to take a seat in the armchair.

Everyone looked lost and dazed and Tessa felt her face burning as Jem announced to whoever was at the door to come in.

"They have been calling you lot to dinner for nearly an hour!" Jessamine said from the doorway, arms crossed angrily.

Will looked like he was trying to muster a response but the cigarette had him to dazed.

"Sorry, I was playing music. It must have been to loud for us to hear them calling. We will be down in a minute." Jem said pulling himself together quickly.

Jessamine narrowed her eyes suspiciously at the trio.

"What have you lot been up to anyway?" She demanded sniffing the air.

"Why maybe if you joined us once in a while you could find out! Join the fun for once." Jem said jokingly.

"I don't think I want to have the kind of fun it seems you all have been indulging in." Jessamine said indignantly, her words ripe with accusation.

Tessa thought she would feel embarrassed by Jessamine's insinuation but she somehow thought it amusing.

She couldn't find it in herself to care.

As they all straightened up and headed down to dinner, Tessa felt quite cheerful. Whatever it was that had been in the cigarette was wonderful.

She thought pleasant thoughts for once in months.

Everything seemed bright and happy.

She loved the feeling.

As they made their way through the corridors each of the boys took one of her hands in their own.

She smiled to both of them radiantly then they all burst into laughter for no apparent reason.

Everyone looked at them strangely at dinner but Tessa paid them no mind. Every time she would catch Jem's or Will's eye they would again laugh inappropriately.

"Are you all quite alright?" Charlotte asked when the laughs had become too numerous to pass as normal.

"We are fine! Just happy that we are all getting on together that's all." Will said sneaking a look at Tessa and winking at her. She smiled foolishly then turned to Jem who grinned widely and then they began laughing yet again.

"I think the fools are drunk, I see nothing funny." Jessamine grumbled.

And they laughed some more.

Sleep came so swiftly Tessa hardly had time to register she was laying down before she was out.

But even in the heaviness of drunken sleep, the horrors returned.

The flesh being peeled off of people as they ran for their lives in the streets.

Fire lit up every doorway.

There was no where to run.

Smoke everywhere, the screams of people around drowned out Tessa's own screams.

Then she woke, gasping for breath.

She had stupidly thought that the nightmare would be gone, as the waking horrors had seemed to flee of recent.

No such luck.

In bed, Tessa lay back thinking of Will and Jem.

Just their names chased away the memories of the latest nightmare.

As she sat up and thought of seeing them later, she felt strength come back to her.

Every little thing involving them brought her back some pieces of her old self and even some new pieces.

She knew if she got to touch and be touched, she would make it through another day. That's all she needed.

A little contact.

She could hardly wait.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Hello and thanks to everyone who reviewed! It really makes my day and inspires me to write more! _**

**_Again, comments and suggestions are always welcome! Thanks again.__Enjoy!_**

**Two weeks later…**

Tessa smiled at her self in the mirror, for the first time since she learned she could shift, she felt that she was lovely.

Her.

Not someone who's form she had taken, her own face.

Everyday spent with the boys changed her.

The horrible day visions had vanished and her nightmares were minimal.

Her confidence grew.

Her daily meetings in Jem's room always included Will now and they had been getting along brilliantly.

She let it pass, all the things he said to her.

He was here now, speaking to her so why should she dwell on a few harsh words?

She decided she needed Will around far more than she cared for her pride.

Jem too.

The laughter, the whispers and the stolen kisses here and there, she needed it all.

They had become her life lines.

One was her heart, the other the blood that pumped through her body.

Both she needed to survive.

"Are we staying in again tonight Jem? Because I have to admit that I have been itching for some fresh air. Just a little time out on the town is all I want." Will said

Jem looked over the screen the he was dressing behind to Will and shook his head.

"Why not? Give me one good reason we can't go out?" Will demanded

"Okay, that's easy. Tessa. A young girl like her can't exactly go prowling the night to various unsavory places with two young men you know and we can't leave her behind." Jem explained.

"I wouldn't dream of leaving her behind! She's the life of the party." Will said smiling broadly.

"Okay then you see the predicament." Jem said.

"I am afraid I do, but you see, me being the brilliant handsome devil that I am have already come up with a plan." Will said going to Jem's drawers and scrambling through them pulling various articles of clothing out.

"What are you doing? Why are you digging through my things?" Jem asked going over to Will to see what he was up to.

"Trust me, I have a plan. Never doubt a man with a plan." Will said grinning.

Jem rolled simply his eyes.

A soft rap at the door followed by Tessa slipping into the room quietly without invitation gathered the attention of both boys.

"Hello, why are you looking in Jem's drawers will? Your not borrowing his knickers are you?" Tessa asked smiling, eyeing the clothing scattered around the floor from Will's messy assault.

"Only on Tuesdays, but that's beside the point. Dearest Tessa, we are all going out tonight!" Will announced.

"Will I told you she can't possibly be seen out with us, you know that kind of trouble that causes." Jem said.

Well-to-do women were not seen out and about at late hours of the night, nor were they seen in the kind of places the boys had in mind to frequent tonight. Not only would people talk; people got upset.

They would disrupt them, start fights, and even try to hurt Tessa.

"Ah but there would be no trouble if three young men went out would there?" Will asked holding one of Jem's shirts to Tessa.

Jem laughed shaking his head at Tessa's wide eyed expression.

"No!" Tessa said argued.

"Why not?" Will asked puzzled.

"I can hardly enjoy myself if I am in someone else's form! It takes too much out of me and I definitely don't want the full experience in being a boy if you know what I mean." Tessa explained.

"No dearest Tessa, I am afraid I have no idea what you speak of." Will said

"Yes, please enlighten us." Jem added trying to look serious.

"Oh you fools! You know good and well what I mean! What if I have to use the ladies room?" Tessa asked becoming flustered.

"I think you might not want to use the ladies room Tessa, that might cause a ruckus with you being a young man for the night. I suggest the gentleman's room." Will said

Jem snickered at this.

"Oh you shut up! Both of you! How am I to use any lavatory if I don't know how to…" Tessa trailed off embarrassed.

"How to what dear? We did not catch that." Will said teasingly.

Tessa burned red.

"Oh come now Will, leave her be. You know what she means." Jem said clasping Tessa's shoulder.

"Course I do. She is worried she won't know how to piss like a man!" Will exclaimed.

"Oh dear." Tessa said and went to sit down while Will and Jem laughed at her discomfort.

"What? That was it right? Oh come on Tessa! I am sure you have heard worse words than a man saying 'piss' right?" Will asked

"Well of course. I just don't care for it is all. Anyway I don't think this plan is going to work. I am not going to shift into a man and I can't very well go out in about as I am so it looks like you boys will have to have a night without me." Tessa resigned.

"Oh no you don't! You are coming!" Will argued.

"Yes I really must insist too. It won't be any fun with just old Will here." Jem pleaded.

"I see no way." Tessa said stiffly.

"I do." Jem said holding up a shirt that Will had tossed aside moments ago.

An hour later Tessa found herself sorting through a pile of both Jem's and Will's clothing.

The boys sat patiently on the other side of the changing screen while Tessa tried to find the right fit.

Jem's shirt fit her fine, but his trousers were too narrow for her hips so she settled on a pair of Will's trousers even thought they were far too long.

Once she was dressed she stopped and realized they had a problem.

"Uh boys?" Tessa said from behind the screen.

"Yes?" Both voices said in unison.

"I think we have a problem." Tessa said coming out from behind the screen.

Will whistled, Jem shook his head.

The trousers clung to her hips and made her bottom look much more pronounced, and the shirt was a bit tighter where her breast pushed forward and the waistcoat accentuated her small waist.

"Its no good! She is just as appealing! No man should ever look that good. Every man that sees her will want to change to boys!" Jem said laughing.

"I don't see a problem Tess." Will said taking in her look, from the trousers gathered around her bare feet, to sharp curve of her hips to the swell of her breasts.

"Yes well you wouldn't. But if I am to pass as a young lad, something must be done about my eh, well my chest will have to be flattened." Tessa said embarrassed.

"Your chest is not the only problem, your face! Its just too lovely to belong to a boy." Jem said.

"Well maybe once my hair is up?" Tessa asked gathering it into a bun.

"Maybe, but you will have to keep your hat on the whole night." Will said.

"Well I think if we tighten my stays and corset it should hide my chest enough." Tessa said gazing into the mirror.

"What do you mean we?" Asked Will.

"You can't expect me to be able to tighten them on my own? The ties are on the back! C'mon boys, I should be the one embarrassed. Its not as though you've never seen a girl in her underclothes before right?" Tessa asked slyly

"Well I, uh that is not often…" Jem muttered

Will masked his embarrassment better,

"In a lot less I'll have you know." Will said.

Tessa unbuttoned the shirt and laid it over the back of a chair and both boys were mesmerized.

She braced her hands on the chair.

"Well? One of you needs to lace me tighter." She said without turning back.

She was afraid if she looked now she would lose her nerve. She was as good as naked, here in her undergarments in front of two boys and she was trying her hardest not to hyperventilate.

"Together then shall we?" Jem asked nervously

"I suppose we better." Will said as they both approached Tessa.

Jem tightened the laces while Will pulled the slack to keep it from coming loose, Tessa winced as the air was shoved out off her.

Her breasts were flattened into non-existence, but the price meant she couldn't move as fluidly.

Tessa hardly cared.

She was bubbling with excitement.

She couldn't believe she was actually going to get to go out as one of the boys!

"Okay, I can't really breath. So Jem? Will you help me with this shirt?" Tessa asked.

Jem grabbed the shirt quickly and helped her into it.

Will handed Jem the waistcoat and then the overcoat.

"What about shoes?" Jem asked and Will cursed silently.

"None of ours will fit her, look at how tiny her feet are!" Will exclaimed.

"I am sure no one would notice if I wore m own shoes." Tessa insisted.

Both boys looked at her doubtfully but said nothing.

Tessa slipped her shoes on and Will brought over a hat.

"Here, lets just tuck your hair into it and we will be off." Will said triumphantly.

"Oh don't be proud of yourself yet Will! The hard part is yet to come. We have to see if anyone will even buy this." Tessa said.

"If worse comes to worse Tess, I want you to change into a very large, muscular man got it?" Will said

Tessa couldn't help but laugh at this.

"Got it." Tessa said humoring him, knowing full well she would need an object of some sort to do so.

Tessa looked in the mirror and she was surprised that she didn't immediately recognize herself.

The shape of her own body she was not used to seeing, and the effect of the corset made her look like a very pretty looking boy.

Tessa never really found herself to be very pretty, but for some reason in this garb she felt she could do anything and that idea made her feel lovely.

"Ready then?" Tessa asked excitement prominent in her voice.

Jem and Will both smiled at her enthusiasm, but they too were excited for the unique night out and the mischief to come.

**Please REVIEW and let me know what you thought! Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you to everyone who was kind and left me reviews, they are really appreciated by me as they boost my confidence to write more! So thank you so much! Enjoy.**

"We will just sneak out through when everyone has gone up for the night, Charlotte won't notice you gone." Will reassured Tessa.

The three waited in the hall for Henry to wander up to bed then they slipped out the guest entrance and through the main gates.

They hired a coach and they laughed as they rode off into the night, full of excitement.

"So where are we headed on my first night out ever?" Tessa asked giddily.

Jem chuckled and Will shook his head.

"What?" Tessa asked narrowing her eyes, sitting straight and stiff from the too tight corset.

"It is top secret I am afraid." Will said.

"C'mon! Jem, dearest Jem! Where are we going?" Tessa asked sweetly.

"I am sorry Tessa, but the idiot wouldn't tell me either." Jem said

Tessa scowled at both of them, but couldn't really be upset.

She was too eager to know where they were going to feel anything else.

After a fifteen minute ride through the roughly cobbled streets, they arrived at a building that didn't really look like much.

Dark and dilapidated with a single flickering lantern to light the entrance, it looked questionable to Tessa, but she said nothing.

"Ya sure you lads wanna be left here? A bit dodgy, this place." The coachman said skeptically eyeing the three young men.

"Oh yes thank you, we will be fine not to worry." Jem said.

"Alright then lads, I will be waitin out here for ya then." The coachman said, the trio had hired him for the night so he would be sticking around till they were done here.

"So what is this place then?" Tessa whispered as they made there way to the entrance where the single lantern flickered.

"In time my good friend, you will know in time." Will assured and Tessa looked to Jem warily.

At the door they were greeted by a very large unfriendly looking man.

"Nigel! So good to she you old boy!" Will said taking the lead.

"You again eh boy? Brought some troublesome mates too? I won't have you causing a scene like last time you here me boy?" Nigel, the unusually large man said.

"Oh Nigel, It was just a bit of fun last time, no harm done! I promise that us lads will be on our best behavior tonight." Will insisted.

Nigel looked skeptical, but let the three boys pass just the same.

"What did you do last time?" Jem hissed in Will's ear.

"Nothing really, but I guess they take it badly if you suddenly feel the need to take off you clothes." Will said.

"Why were you taking off your clothes?" Tessa whispered

"I was hot." Will replied simply.

Jem rolled his eyes, and Tessa looked slightly worried.

"Oh c'mon! This will be fun." Will said

Inside the building was just as dark, candles lighting select areas.

Seating areas it seemed, but most of the light came from a little stage.

They took seats at the only empty table, which luckily was towards the back.

As soon as they were seated a barmaid appeared.

"What'll it be then gents?" She asked, her face made-up heavily with rouge and powder.

She smiled revealing a missing tooth that didn't seem to bother her one bit.

"We will have three ale's and some absinth please!" Will said casually.

"You sure these lads can handle the absinth then? They don't look like they ride the green fairy often." The Barmaid joked.

"They are tougher than they look my lovely lady!" Will said smiling charmingly.

"Aye, if you say so gov'ner." She said smiling and left to get their drinks.

As soon as she was gone, Jem grabbed Will by the arm.

"Are you mad? Absinth? We can't drink absinth!" Jem seethed

"Dear me! We are supposed to have a good time tonight, all you seem to be doing is complaining Jem. You of all people shouldn't complain about a little absinth. Its hardly demon- oh never mind." Will said at the look on Jem's face.

"It's alright Jem, I hear absinth isn't as bad as they say." Tessa interjects

"Really? And who did you hear this from then huh?" Will asks jokingly

"My brother." Tessa says and her face falls, thinking momentarily of Nate.

"I was just joking. Here look! Are drinks are here." Will said trying to distract her.

The barmaid came with a large tray, carrying three large mugs of ale and three smaller unusually shaped glasses. They were filled about halfway with green liquid and each had a silver slotted spoon over the top with a sugar cube atop it. The barmaid placed the mugs on the table then carefully settled the absinth glasses down, lastly she handed them a small pitcher of cold water.

Will handed her some money, more than enough and she smiled at him pleasantly.

"You lad's need anything else you just give me a shout." She said and left.

Tessa was grabbed her mug of ale with both hands as it was a so large and took a drink and the boys smiled.

"What? Am I drinking it wrong?" She asked smacking her lips, she rather liked the taste of the ale. She had had wine before of course and even gin, but she had to say that ale was good.

"No, its just that men like us don't usually hold their mugs with both hands like little girls." Will joked.

"Well excuse me for not having monster hands." Tessa said taking another drink, as Jem smiled and took his mug too.

"Whats the water for Jem?" Tessa asked avoiding Will teasingly.

"Its to pour over the sugar cube, like this." Will said not giving Jem a chance to answer. He demonstrated by slowly pouring some water over one of the glasses, giving the sugar time to melt and blend seamlessly with the water.

"Boring, I like the ale. So is this like a theater then?" Tessa asked looking towards the small stage.

"Yes, I suppose you could call it that." Will said and He and Jem snickered together.

After Will had finished pouring the water over all the glasses he handed one to each of them.

"This will start the night off right!" Will said and the three clanked their glasses together before choking down the strong alcohol.

Tessa felt her throat burning as she drank and fought the urge to gag. It was like drinking medicine.

She would not be made fun of by the boys, so she finished the entire shot and slammed the glass down without intending to.

Her head felt immediately lighter.

Jem placed his glass gently on the table and looked around.

Will was already calling for more.

Tessa expected to feel instantly unhinged by this but she felt fine, only a little more weightless.

"Look the show is starting!" Jem announced as the little bit of lights began to go out.

The barmaid returned with the second round of absinth and Will went about pouring the water again as the stage became more illuminated.

A man on a shabby top hot and even shabbier suit took the stage.

"Gentlemen! May I present your Mistress for the evening…The Green Queen!" The man said.

A set of curtains were moved and the silhouette of a women could be seen.

Softly lulling music began to play as the woman became more and more visible.

Her legs were the first to some into the light.

They were long and lean, covered in silky stockings held up by frilly garters.

Next, her curvy torso was visible.

A tiny waspish waist, wide hips and apparently large breast were covered scantily by a chemise and corset.

Then her slender arms and shoulders, clad in satin gloves.

If her body was an indication of her face, she would be lovely.

As the light illuminated her face, Tessa knew she was wrong.

Lovely was not a word that should ever be used to describe this woman.

She was breathtaking. Loose blonde curls spilled around her face that would rival Venus.

Full pouty lips that had just a touch of rouge and rounded cheeks that were naturally tinted were all just a prelude to her eyes, so bright and sparkling, Tessa knew why she was the Green Queen.

Her eyes.

They were the most beautiful green Tessa had ever seen.

They almost didn't look human.

"She is perfect." Tessa whispered in awe. She wanted to be the green queen more than anything in the world at that moment.

All eyes were glued to the stage. It seemed people were even scared to blink least they miss something.

She looked to be maybe a little older than Tessa, but not by much.

Will quietly handed them the absinth and they drank in silence as the music became louder and more upbeat.

Tessa drank without feeling the burn this time.

She dazedly put her glass down when she was finished.

The queen began to dance to the beat of the music, swaying her hips and moving her arms. Than the music slowed once more.

A couch was now made visible behind her.

The queen twirled and put her back to the audience and began to pull at the laces of her corset, loosening them slowly.

Soon the corset was all undone and she let it slid over her hips to the floor.

Next she sat on the couch and began to unhook the garters and roll down the stockings, her legs bare and as pale as milk.

When her feet were also bare, Tessa was shocked to see that her toenails were painted crimson.

All that was left was her chemise and gloves.

Tessa knew she should feel ashamed for watching this woman, but it was too interesting and the absinth had done something to her.

It made everything clearer, but not as important.

Like she knew she should care, she was still aware of right and wrong, but she couldn't bring herself to identify with either.

It was an amazing feeling.

Tessa reached for her ale and slowly sipped it as she watched captivated as the green queen ever so slowly teased her chemise off of her shoulders.

As Tessa watched, she was unaware that Jem an Will were watching her.

Fascinated with her reaction.

Jem of course had known all along they were coming here even if he had never been here himself.

Will wanted to see what Tessa would do. Would she watch? Or would the absinth give her the courage to look.

The later he now knew.

They switched back and forth watching Tessa and the queen.

Will knew that the queen was Fey, but didn't care, it was only entertainment.

She was gorgeous none the less.

No human had eyes that green.

He could see the wistful look on Tessa's face as she gazed longingly.

She wanted to be the queen.

If only she knew that she was just as captivating without any absinth to dull heighten her appeal.

She was more so, because she wasn't aware.

Will was all for confident women, but there was just something about a girl who had no idea how alluring she was.

This girl, sitting here pretending to be a boy.

If all the men in here weren't drunk off their assess, they would see right through the guise.

But then again, people saw what they wanted to see.

Right now they were watching the lovely alabaster breasts of the green queen be revealed.

Tessa gasped.

Next was the smooth belly, then the chemise fell to the ground.

Tessa's mouth fell open this time.

She had never seen another woman naked.

Is this how she was supposed to look?

The queens entire body was smooth and free of any hair.

Was that normal? Tessa thought curiously.

Should she remove all her body hair as well?

The queen was again dancing and men now got up and placed money notes into a jar near the stage.

It was soon full. The queen blew kisses and waved at the men as they put more money into the jar.

Will shoved some money into Tessa's hand and pushed her towards the stage.

She looked back at him in horror, she couldn't go up there!

But it was too late, her feet were moving of their own accord and soon she was a few feet away from the queen placing the money in the jar with a shaking hand.

The queen smiled widely at her revealing sharp looking teeth and took her hand momentarily and whispered

"I am honored little _Eidolon, _that you come to my show." The green queen says without really moving her lips.

Tessa is stunned.

This woman whatever she is, knows what Tessa is!

**A/N: To those of you who might not recall, Eidolon is the word for shape shifter. **

**Okay thank you, and please let me know what you think!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay I hope everyone is still enjoying this, please let me know what you think or if you have any suggestions. Enjoy!**

As Tessa returned to the boys, they huddled closer to her.

"What did she tell you?" They both demand excitedly.

Tessa still felt dazed but she managed to explain.

"She is Fey, Tessa. That's how she knows what you are." Jem assured her.

"Oh! Is that why she had sharp teeth?" Tessa asked

"You saw that? Her glamour must not work on you." Will shrugged.

"So, what did you think of the show?" Jem asked smiling into his mug as he took a drink.

"I found it very uh, enlightening." Tessa manages.

"Really? How so?" Will asks curiously, unable to suppress the grin that has spread across his face.

"I now know that I need to go home and shave, as it seems I am far to hairy to be a proper woman." Tessa joked and Jem spat out his ale.

Will and Tessa laughed as Jem wiped away the ale from his shirt muttering curses.

"The Green Queen requests that you join her in her private parlor sirs." The man in the shabby top hat says approaching their table.

Tessa looked to Jem and Will unsure.

"Oh, certainly! Come on lads, best not keep the queen waiting." Will said and Jem gave him a dirty look but got up none the less.

The three followed the man behind the stage down a set of winding stairs into what seemed to be a cellar.

In the back was a door that they were led to then left alone.

"Should we just knock then?" Jem asked and Will shrugged as Jem rapped at the door.

"Come in." The melodic voice of the queen said.

The three filled into the room that looked from the outside to be but a closet, but upon entering turned out to be a vast parlor, complete with overstuffed chairs and couches, pillows strewn here and there and a few other women lounging about lazily.

The queen lay casually upon a fluffy chaise lounge, dressed in an almost sheer chemise gown and a lace robe.

"Come and sit with me, my friends. Let's see, I know who you are Mr. Herondale as you frequent my establishment often, and this must be your _parabatai_, Mr. Carstairs am I correct?" The queen asks.

Will and Jem make a face.

"Oh come now gentlemen, you know what I am correct? Its only fair that I know what you are. Shadowhunters. But you little _Eidolon,_ who are you? It has been a very long time since I have come across one of your kind." Said the queen genuinely curious.

Tessa looked to the boys unsure.

"I know you are not a man, _Eidolon_, if that is what you worry about." Assured the queen.

Tessa felt slightly panicked and slightly relieved at the same time.

"I'm Theresa Gray, but I go by Tessa." Tessa managed to say

"Why _Eidolon_ are you not properly disguised tonight? Anyone can see through this ruse." The queen said indicating Tessa's loose fitting shirt and too long trousers.

"I don't like to change if I don't have to." Tessa admitted.

"So are we going to keep calling you the green queen the whole night or are you going to tell us your name?" Will interrupted rudely.

"All night Mr. Herondale? A bit presumptuous aren't we?" The queen said

"No, I just know how the Fey like to party. All night long correct?" Will said

"Charming as ever Mr. Herondale, but correct. My name is Roshwynn, but you may call me Wynn." She said answering Will finally.

"Wynn, that sounds lovely." Tessa said smiling.

"May I offer you something to drink?" Wynn asked.

"I'll have some ale." Tessa said sinking into a mound of pillows, if they were going to be here all night, Tessa was going to relax.

"No, not ale. We want some more absinth." Will said insistently.

"Ale is fine." Jem said sinking down next to Tessa.

"How about both then?" Wynn asked as she motioned one of the lounging girls over.

Will shrugged and joined Tessa and Jem in the pillows, taking a place on Tessa's other side. The pillows were much more comfortable to Tessa, who was starting to feel the effects of the absinth a bit more combined with the tightness of her corset.

Moments later they were handed glasses of absinth, the sugar already melted into it. Tessa drank hers down eager for more of the ale, not the medicinal taste of the absinth.

"So what ever brings you here tonight? Not the average place to bring a young lady." Wynn observed.

"Yeah, well we aren't exactly average if you haven't noticed." Will replied sarcastically.

Ignoring Will, Wynn instead looked to Jem.

"Mr. Carstairs?" Asked Wynn.

"Please call me Jem. We came out tonight, because we needed some fresh air. Also Tessa has never been out." Jem said

"How very kind of you to bring her out! Jem dear, did you enjoy the show?" Wynn asked smiling mischievously.

Sputtering and blushing in embarrassment, Jem managed a weak 'yes'.

"And you Tessa, how do you find your first night out?" Wynn asked turning away from the embarrassed Jem to Tessa.

"I must admit that I am enjoying myself." Tessa said

"How can you when you are trapped in such a tightly laced corset?" Wynn asked looking sympathetic.

"It was the only way I could pass as a boy." Tessa admitted, finding she wasn't quite as concerned about such improper questions with the absinth in her system.

"I hate to be bound in such things, which is why I began my little show. You wouldn't believe how liberating it is Tessa." Wynn said.

"Last time I tried to be liberating, I was chucked out." Will observed.

"That is because Mr. Herondale, you decided to take off your clothing during my performance. Down here you may do as you wish." Wynn said.

"Really? So I can strip down naked here and you wouldn't care?" Will asked amused

"Yes Mr. Herondale, you are allowed to do as you wish here. After all, nudeness is the way of the Fey." Wynn said simply.

"Are you sure you could resist me?" Will said

At this Wynn laughed, her voice like tiny bells tickling their ears.

"As stunning as you are Mr. Herondale, my taste is more discerning." Wynn said

"Do call me Will. What do you mean by discerning? I am gorgeous!" Will joked

"This is true Will, but I am afraid my taste is more for your friend here." Wynn said smiling towards Jem, who looked a little stunned.

"Him? Why is that?" Will asks curiously, not at all offended.

"He is unique. The fairness of him is so unnatural, he reminds me of a white peacock, so rare and so lovely, yet haunting at the same time." Wynn said wistfully.

"You are quite lovely Jem." Tessa blurted out before she could stop herself.

Jem smiled widely.

Wynn looked at the three of them, clearly amused.

"Tessa dear, come with me. I cannot bear to see someone dressed so uncomfortably." Wynn said rising and taking Tessa's hand.

"We will return shortly gentlemen." Wynn said before disappearing behind a set of curtains and screens.

"Lets get you out of that corset then." Wynn said as soon as they were in what appeared to be Wynn's dressing room.

Tessa unbuttoned the borrowed shirt she was wearing and Wynn immediately got to work unlacing the confining corset.

Tessa felt such relief when the corset was loose enough to slip to the floor.

"That feels much better." Tessa admitted.

Wynn smiled and grabbed a few things from her wardrobe and handed them to Tessa.

"Here lets put you in these for now. You don't want to wear those dreadful clothes all night do you?" Wynn said

Tessa didn't really see anything wrong with the clothes that she had on but Wynn was just so sweet about, she took the clothes she offered without complaint.

Tessa held up the first piece puzzled at the sheer fabric and frilly lace everywhere.

"You'll need to take everything off for these." Wynn added noting the look of confusion on Tessa's face.

Tessa was used to being helped to dress sometimes now and then, so she wasn't very embarrassed having Wynn see her in nothing.

Wynn slipped the first piece over Tessa's head and it felt like heaven against her skin.

It was a thin strapped gown of sorts that fell past her feet as she was not as tall as Wynn, and it was completely see through.

The next piece was a very long sash that wrapped around her waist, bringing the loose fitting gown closer to her skin.

Lastly was a billowy robe that had large capped sleeves and was sheer like the rest of the pieces.

Layering them made the whole outfit a bit harder to see through, but in the proper light Tessa's entire body would be visible.

"Oh my." Tessa managed as she looked into the mirror. Wynn uncapped Tessa's hair and let it fall loosely down her back. Tessa couldn't believe what she saw in the mirror. She was actually…sexy.

"You look lovely, your boys won't know what to do with themselves, not that they know now." Wynn giggled

"Oh they aren't mine, I mean were not, that is to say they are just my friends-" Tessa babbled but Wynn hushed her.

"I see more than you know, Tessa." Wynn said and they went back out to join the boys.

Jem had his coat and hat off now and his waist coat was open as he lounged back lazily and Will was muttering something to him, his jacket and waist coat off, and his shirt had a few buttons undone.

They both looked over as the ladies retuned and were stunned silent.

"This is much better don't you think boys?" Wynn asked as Tessa dropped herself back down between the two boys.

"Tessa what are you wearing?" Sputtered Will, unable to put on his usual mask.

"Just a little something I loaned her. Isn't she lovely?" Wynn said smiling, her sharp teeth sparkling in the dim candlelight of the room.

"Yes, lovely." Jem whispered.

"Shall we have a smoke?" Wynn asked ignoring the dazed looks the boys both held.

"Yes, I will thank you." Tessa said feeling very powerful at the moment.

Wynn handed her a long fragrant cigarette and Tessa momentarily wondered if this was a special cigarette like the ones Will had.

Wynn lit the cigarette for her and she took a leisure puff and knew that this was indeed a special cigarette of some kind.

Her fingers tingled almost immediately as she lay back again.

Wynn handed a cigarette to Will and Tessa turned to Jem and beckoned him forward as she inhaled another puff.

When his face was near her she let the smoke leave her lips and go to his.

He inhaled then dipped down and kissed her, seemingly unable to control himself his hand grazed down her side practically touching flesh as the gown was so very thin.

Tessa felt so warm so fast.

She heard Wynn whisper "Join them" and moments later Will was behind her pressing into her, planting warm kisses down her back and Jem continued to kiss her deeply.

As Jem's kisses began to travel down her throat, Tessa came up for air.

As she looked around dazed and Wynn was watching them smiling and for some reason, Tessa smiled back and turned back to Jem, her eyes meeting Will's for a just a second before she ran her fingers through Jem's silvery hair and he brought his face back to hers eagerly, his lips caressing hers.

Will's hands were everywhere.

His kisses on her back were hot and tickling, but his hands were sure and insistent as the hiked up the gown exposing her bare thighs.

He ran his hand up and down enjoying the feel of her warm flesh bare against his hand, no stockings or gown in the way.

Tessa broke away from Jem's tantalizing lips for a moment to take another puff of the cigarette, loving the sense of weightlessness it brought her, and oddly enough it also brought her a sense of balance.

Jem took the cigarette from her and inhaled deeply, letting the smoke pass through his lips slowly.

His lips were red and Tessa couldn't take her eyes from them until he brought them back to hers.

Will's hands continued to explore and Tessa gasped into Jem's mouth as Will pressed his groin into her and she felt his excitement against her behind.

She moaned without any control, so decadent was the feeling of Jem and Will both pressed hotly against her.

Will continued grinding his hips against her and Jem's hand began to lightly caressed Tessa's breasts.

Tessa felt like she was under a spell, she had to have more.

More of Jem's lips, more of Will's touch, more everything.

With every kiss, Tessa felt herself sinking deeper and deeper into an abyss of warmth and pleasure.

Soon she was gone into blackness and gladly would stay there.


	7. Chapter 7

She knew immediately she must be dreaming.

Everything was very bright and the air smelled like honey.

She was alone.

Sitting in front of a pond in a lush green forest.

Tessa had never been to the forest in her life, so she again knew that she must be dreaming.

Suddenly sitting next to her by the pond was Wynn. She heard in the distance the sound of gears turning and felt momentarily frightened.

Wynn distracted her by dipping her feet in the water and told Tessa to do the same.

"It will help you wake up and forget." Wynn said.

"What do you mean?" Tessa asked.

"Wake up!" Wynn insisted

Tessa felt herself sinking away from the beautiful pond and forest and her eyes flew open.

Standing above her was Wynn.

"You all passed out, it will be morning soon. You should head home." Wynn said gently.

Tessa looked around and noted Jem getting groggily to his feet and Will buttoning up his shirt scrubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Wynn took Tessa back to the dressing room to her change back into her own clothes, helping her into the corset keeping the laces loose this time. Tessa slipped into the trousers and shirt quickly and tucked her hair into the hat without tying it back.

Her head hurt a bit and she felt very tired, but other than that she was okay. She didn't feel like she was going to throw up or anything.

She returned to the boys and they were dressed and ready to go.

"You lot are welcome back any time, you proved to be very entertaining." Wynn said smiling and Tessa had the feeling that she had been watching them the entire time they slept.

"Glad we entertained." Will quipped sarcastically

Tessa was surprised when they exited the bar to find it still dark out and the coach they hired still waiting and also at how chilly it was.

She could see her breath in the air.

"You must have paid him handsomely to wait all night Will, its blood freezing out here." Jem noted as they made their way over, clutching his coat around him for warmth.

"You have no idea." Will mumbled

Tessa couldn't quite describe the eerie feeling she had and she could only attribute it to all the absinth and cigarettes, because suddenly everything became too vivid and she felt dizzy almost giddy.

"Whoa, I need to sit." Tessa announced

"Here let get you into the carriage." Jem said and he and Will helped her in.

"Looks like you lads had a lovely time. The little one have a bit too much to drink then?" The coachman asked indicating Tessa.

"Yeah, but he'll be fine." Will said.

"Well you let me know if he is gonna be sick will ya? So's he can do it in the street." The coachman added

"Sure." Jem said as Tessa slumped against him and the carriage began to move.

"That sure was a night." Tessa blurted sitting up suddenly

Will smirked but said nothing.

"We must do it again." Tessa insisted.

They were only a few blocks away from the institute now when Tessa suddenly yelled for the carriage to stop.

"What it is?" Jem asked as the carriage came to jolting stop and Tessa clambered out.

"I felt dizzy, I needed air." Tessa said

"So you jump out of a practically moving carriage?" Will says jumping out behind Jem.

"Sure, but I am fine now." Tessa said turning and facing Will.

"As long as your fine now." Will said wryly.

"Oh shut up." Tessa said and brought her lips to Will's catching him by surprise.

The coachman's eyes bulged .

Jem laughed as the coachman sputtered in disbelief.

"What in the world!" The coachman spat.

Tessa giggled knowing how funny it would appear to the man seeing two apparent young men kiss in front of him.

Tessa shook her head and her hat fell off sending her hair cascading down her shoulders.

"Hey! He's a lady? What are you boys doing taking a lady out like this?" The coachman demanded shocked.

"Having a bit of fun." Will said unconcerned

"She can't be out and about! It ain't decent for you lot to be going on like this in public." The man added

"Who cares? Boys, lets walk the rest of the way home." Tessa said turning and marching away with Will and Jem at her heels laughing.

Tessa laughed too and suddenly they couldn't stop laughing as they broke into a run to the institute, cackling, jumping and running madly down the deserted street, leaving the behind a bewildered coachman, grumbling to himself about stupid kids.

When they reached the steps of the institute, the first lights of dawn were breaking.

The paused to catch their breath.

"Tessa you are a tad bit mad." Will said wheezing with laughter before they made their way quietly into the institute.

"Quickly, get to your rooms. Charlotte will be up soon, she is always up at the crack of dawn." Jem said sternly as his room was the first.

"Yes sir." Both Tessa and Will said before sneaking off to their own rooms. At Tessa's door, they paused.

"Well that was definitely the most fun we've had in a while.." Will trailed off as a floorboard creaked down the hall.

"Get in here." Tessa said tugging Will into her room before whoever it was saw them.

The two were pushed against the inside of the door and were trying not to giggle as whoever it was paused just outside of Tessa's door.

Will let go his breath thinking the person had passed.

"Quiet you idiot!" Tessa hissed and Will frowned at her insult and slowly his hand began to tickle up her arm to her neck.

Unable to stop herself Tessa erupted in giggles.

Will clamped his hand over her mouth as her door was shoved open sending them sprawling to the floor.

"What are you doing? I can hear you two giggling down the hall!" Jem said his face red.

Tessa leaped to her feet shoving Will away from her and pushed the door closed behind Jem.

"Will's an idiot that's all." Tessa said

"She started it!" Will piped.

"Oh you liar!" Tessa said

"Both of you shut up before we are all caught! Mind you I don't think it will look good for anyone if we are all found in the early morning in Tessa's room." Jem ranted

"Sorry." Both Tessa and Will said suppressing grins at Jem's fatherly scolding.

"Yes, well Will and I should probably get to our rooms now." Jem said looking down at Will who still remained on the floor.

"Get up you oaf!" Tessa said endearingly as she helped Will to his feet.

"Yeah better get a little bit of sleep, I have a lunch date with you two later." Will said smiling as he headed to the door.

Tessa stopped Jem as his hand was on the knob and turned him to her.

"Wha-" Jem began but was interrupted as Tessa kissed him then turned and kissed Will too.

"See you later gentlemen." Tessa said shutting the door on the two bewildered boys.

**Thank you everyone for your patience and reviews! The next chapter won't take as long to come I swear! **


	8. Chapter 8

Tessa immediately collapsed fully dressed onto her bed when she heard a tapping at her door.

Tessa groaned into her pillow, then pushed herself up off the bed.

"Ugh, Go away. I said I would see you guys later!" She grumbled as she opened the door to find Charlotte standing there with her arms crossed.

"Oh good morning." Tessa said trying not to look guilty, smiling maybe a bit too brightly as she poked only her head out the door.

"Good morning, just thought I heard someone talking down this hall." Charlotte said suspiciously

"Oh I was up early, just talking to myself I suppose. Didn't realize I was talking out loud!" Tessa said nervously.

"Are you feeling alright?" Charlotte asked trying to get a better look at Tessa in the dim light.

"Fine! Absolutely! But I think I should lay back down for a while. I fear I am up far to early for my own good!" Tessa answered.

"Yes, well let me know if you need anything then." Charlotte replied leaving looking a bit unsure.

Tessa closed her door and striped off the boy clothes she was wearing and the awful corset.

After changing into a fresh sleeping gown, Tessa slipped into bed and quickly fell asleep.

It felt like only seconds past when she heard a knock at her door signaling her to come down to breakfast.

Tessa had only been asleep for two hours. Her head was beginning to hurt and she wanted desperately to sleep the rest of the morning.

"I'm not coming down." She announced from her bed and whoever was at her door left.

Tessa sunk back into her bed and slept till the sun glared angrily through her window indicating it was noon.

After bathing and dressing Tessa headed to Jem's room only to find no one there. Thinking maybe they decided to meet in Will's room Tessa headed there next and found that it too was empty of the boys. Wendy, the maid was tiding up the bed.

"Wendy? Do you know where Jem or Will are?" She asked feeling a bit panicked.

"Yes Miss, I believe they had some business of some sort to take care of." Said Wendy, meaning in other words, they were out on Shadowhunter business.

Tessa felt her spirits sink. This meant that she would have to go the whole day maybe even tomorrow without seeing them.

'I'll be fine' Tessa told herself making her way down to the kitchen for some lunch, the first time she'd been down for lunch in weeks as she always spent lunch with Jem and Will in the room.

The kitchen was surprisingly empty, except for the cook and Charlotte who sat at the table eating her lunch quietly.

"Afternoon." Tessa said taking a seat.

Charlotte looked up surprised.

"Why good afternoon Tessa. You haven't had lunch down here in some time! Nice to have a moment for just us eh?" Charlotte said and for some reason this made Tessa nervous. The cook set a plate down in front of Tessa and filled her cup with tea then retreated to the pantry.

"Oh yes, quiet thought isn't it?" Tessa asks.

Charlotte laughs "I know what you mean. The house isn't quite the same without those boys!" Charlotte replies.

Tessa looks down at her food but it doesn't hold any appeal to her whatsoever.

She pushed it around as Charlotte continues to make small talk.

Tessa excused herself and made her way back to her room, intent on sleeping this day away.

The next morning Tessa woke when Wendy brought her a tray for breakfast. She asked about Jem and Will and Wendy said that they were still gone.

Tessa couldn't eat. They were still gone and she was barley managing without them. She wanted to try the same trick from yesterday and simply sleep the day away but she just lay in her bed wide awake.

Unable to fall asleep again, Tessa took her normal seat at the window and that is when she heard the gears again. She covered her ears but the noise still invaded her.

She closed her eyes and saw horrors.

The nightmares hadn't plagued her weeks and now they were back full force.

She saw flesh melting over bodies of molten metal.

She heard scream as people were trampled by the army of blood thirsty machines.

The smell of machine oil and burning flesh made her gag and she had to run to vomit into the basin by her mirror.

Sweat covered her body and the pain she was feeling began to make her feel fate as she sank to the floor weeping.

Blessedly she passed out and the sound of the gears came to a stop.

"Tessa? Tessa dear are you all right? Wendy said you were out cold on you floor so I came." Charlotte asked, her eyes full of concern.

Tessa looked up dazed, not knowing what to say.

"Maybe you were feeling ill?" Charlotte pressed

"Yes, that must have been it." Tessa said weakly.

The sky outside her window was pitch black.

Well, that's one way to sleep the day away.

"Would you care for something to eat? The boys are down in the kitchen now having a late super." Charlotte said and Tessa made no reply but bounded out of the room to the kitchen. They were back! Her heart jumped.

She still felt faint but she couldn't hide her excitement at their return.

"I told you I had it!" Will argued.

"You looked like you needed help from my perspective." Jem said casually.

"Well next time you wait till I scream like a little girl before you interrupt me!" Will said than turned and caught sight of Tessa and smiled.

"Tessa! You look absolutely horrible! We were the ones slaying demons, how is it you look worse?" Will asked

"Oh come on, she doesn't bad. Just a bit peaky?" Jem asked trying not to be insulting.

Tessa couldn't speak for a moment. So intense was the feeling of relief at having them back with her.

"Are you okay Tess? Maybe you should sit." Jem said rising to his feet Will got up concerned too.

"You two…" Tessa whispered "Are never to leave me alone like that again!" Tessa barked.

Both boys looked stunned.

"It was only a few days Tessa, not the end of the world." Will said.

"Its okay Tessa, c'mon lets go up to my room okay?" Jem said ignoring Will.

Tessa nodded and walked side by side with Jem to his room, Will following close behind.

When they arrived Will barred the door closed behind them and they all sat on the floor.

"Did you have another nightmare Tessa?" Jem asked

"Nightmare?" Will asked puzzled.

"She's had nightmares since, well you know." Jem explained.

"Yes, it was another nightmare. But its okay, you guys are back." Tessa said a hand from each of them in hers.

"Well I think our victorious return is worthy of a few drinks don't you think Jem?" Will asks

"Yes I think so too." Jem said and rose to serve them some drinks.

"So did Charlotte tell you the news? The annual Shadowhunter's ball is to be held here this year!" Will said

"Oh? Is it uh for only Shadowhunters?" Tessa asked

"Usually, hence the name…But you of course are invited Tessa. It is after all taking place here, we can hardly tell you your not invited to something taking place in the institute you call home." Will said smiling mischievously.

"Nicely put." Tessa replied.

"It should be good fun Tess, I am sure we can manage all sorts of trouble!" Will said looking genuinely enthused about the ball.

"I think it's a boring old mess." Jem commented.

"Oh shut up, you love these things Jem and you know it." Will countered.

Jem smiled and admitted "Well maybe I just like to get dressed up."

"Yeah, the girls in gowns with tight bodices have nothing to do with it right?" Will said

Jem said nothing but turned a bit red at this.

Tessa giggled at the banter between the two.

"What are you giggling about? You know you have to dress as a girl right Tessa? None of my dress trousers will fit you anyway." Will said

"I guess I will just have to go trouser-less then." Tessa said and Jem sniggered at the face Will made and Tessa cocked an eyebrow.

"I said trouser-less, not bottomless you little perverts!" Tessa laughed.

Changing the subject Will complained about Jem taking so long to make the drinks and instead lit a cigarette, taking a deep puff then handing it to Tessa.

As always, the cigarette was nota normal one and soon they assumed the same lounging positions across the pillows scattered on the floor.

"Tell me about the Shadowhunter's ball." Tessa said resting her head in Jem's lap, her feet lay on Will's laps where he gently idly massaged them.

"Well first off, Shadow hunters from all around come to this Ball. It's the only time we all really get together outside of the City of Glass and it's a pretty big deal. Everyone tends to go over board with things at the ball." Jem said.

"Overboard?" Tessa said.

"Yeah, the old women try to dress like they are young maidens again, wearing every piece of finery they own it seems. The young women try to act older, wearing gowns that are very low cut and a far too much perfume for my tastes. In other words, they are trying way to hard to look like they are not trying at all. Too pretentious for me, but still great fun according to Will here." Jem said smirking over to Will.

"I like it because everyone is on their best and worst behavior all at the same time." Will said wiggling Tessa's toes.

"And what exactly does that mean?" Tessa asked enjoying the feeling of Will's fingers on her toes.

"Oh well I guess you will have to see." Will answered.

**Sorry if this was kinda boring...next one will be longer and better, promise. **

**Please REVIEW please!**


	9. Chapter 9

The weeks leading to the Ball became a blur.

Of course the trio had they're daily meetings in Jem's room, But Tessa couldn't hold back the conversation she wanted to have with them since they left that day.

She knew she couldn't bear to have them leave on another mission or whatever and leave her alone.

It was to hard to be by herself.

So she thought of a simple enough solution.

She would train to become a Shadowhunter.

What could be better?

She would be able to spend all day with them and if they left, she would leave too.

It was too perfect, which is why she knew that the boys would likely argue.

First off, she knew they would say that she wasn't Nephilum, she's a Downworlder.

Her solution to that was simple enough, she didn't care if she was an "official" Shadowhunter.

As long as she got to all the thing they would, or at least help out.

It was true she was doing this for her own selfish reasons of not wanting to be alone, but also she was deathly bored.

The only thing she had to look forward to each day was the little meetings with the boys, and although she was content with just that, she knew that she needed to contribute more.

She after all had the ability.

She knew she could be of great use to the Shadowhunters with her shape shifting power.

As much as she didn't like to use it, she was willing to do it each and everyday if it meant that she was helping out and pulling her own weight.

Training would also be a nice distraction and she looked forward to be able to defend herself and hold her own against the boys for once.

A week before the Ball, Tessa went over her arguments in her head all morning, she knew she had to have a counter for every objection the boys would throw her way.

As she made her way to Jem's room she tried to remember all the points she had to make.

In Jem's room Tessa found both boys smoking without her, Will looking a little more sullen than usual.

He had kept his moodiness at bay for a while now, keeping a cheerful demeanor and being pleasant was unlike him, it was only a matter of time that he sunk back to his old self.

"Hello boys." Tessa said making her presence know.

Jem looked up and smiled, Will pretended not to hear her and chugged down a drink before collapsing onto the pillows that littered the floor.

Jem shook his head apologetically at Tessa, indicating Will's behavior.

Tessa sat on the floor next to Jem pretending she hadn't noticed Will either.

"So Jem, I had something I wanted to ask you two." Tessa said clearing her throat.

"Oh? What's this about? You know I will be your gladly escort to the ball Miss Tessa." Jem said smiling.

"Do we need escorts? Is that customary?" Tessa asked curiously, momentarily distracted by the thought.

"Not really, I was only joking. But if you wanted an escort I could…"Jem trailed off, blushing slightly.

Will looked up at this and made a disgusted face towards Jem.

"What? Have you got a sour stomach or something Will?" Tessa quipped not feeling the need to indulge Will's petulance today.

"Ah, your charms always amaze me Tessa." Will said

"And your lack thereof never amaze me." Tessa retorted.

"So you your going to escort her to the ball then Jem? Make a big entrance with the Downworlder girl?" Will said

"Oh do shut up! Your just jealous you didn't think of it first old mate." Jem replied easily.

"Actually, I think I will make the an even bigger splash if I have two escorts." Tessa said smiling at the looks both Will and Jem held.

"What do you mean? Take both of us?" Will asked clearly stunned.

"Yes why ever not? I will already be looked down upon won't I? Why not have some fun doing it. And what better entrance is there than taking the two most handsome Shadowhunters around?" Tessa asked

"She does have a point. It would make quite a scene for her to come in holding each of our arms." Jem said

"Yes, she will also look like a completely scandalous young lady. I love it!" Will said, his mood brightening a bit.

Tessa wasn't sure but it did seem as though Will was a bit jealous for a moment there. But surely she was mistaken. They both had to know what they meant to her, and if they did they would know that she loved them both and there was no need for jealousy.

But was there? If she had to choose one, could she? The thought made breathing difficult. She did not like the idea of having to choose between them. She couldn't do it, even in thought.

"So I did have something I wanted to discuss with you two." Tessa said as they shifted from Will's uncomfortable bad mood to the easy lounge about way that they were accustomed to.

"What might this be about?" Jem asked curiously as he passed a cigarette to Will and they exchanged knowing glances.

"Well, now please be open about this alright? I want to train with you boys so that when you leave on Shadowhunter business, I would be able to go with you." Tessa said very quickly.

"Told you." Will said to Jem, smiling knowingly.

"Told you what exactly?" Tessa asked.

"Will mentioned that you were going to try and get us to take you with us next time we leave, and that you might suggest something similar to what you just asked." Jem said tossing Will a coin from his pocket.

"You bet on this did you?" Tessa said irritated that they had already known what she was going to ask, and she had spent all morning trying to come up with the nerve and proper excuses.

"I think it's a good idea." Jem said.

"Of course you would, she'll get to be with us every other second of the day that we once had to ourselves!" Will said

"You don't have to spend time with me if you don't want to Will, you only need mention that this arrangement isn't working anymore." Tessa said stiffly.

"Ignore him Tessa, he has been in a awful mood all day long that has nothing to do with you I am sure." Jem assured.

Tessa glared once more at Will then turned back to Jem, scooting on the floor a bit closer to him.

"So do you think it would be okay if I trained and helped out and all that?" Tessa asked eagerly.

"Well we would have to talk with Charlotte and Henry, but I really can't see why they wouldn't let you help. They all know how valuable you could be for us." Jem said

Tessa felt excitement bubble at the thought of her actually getting to work with them.

Will couldn't help but smile at the joy apparent on Tessa's face.

"Jem and I will have a word with the others this evening okay Tessa?" Will said sharing a small smile with her, to which she returned with a kiss.

Will was a bit taken aback by her sudden affection, but quickly reciprocated.

When they broke apart, Tessa couldn't forget about Jem.

She leaned in as he was still close to her and kissed him as well.

The kiss was gentle, but soon Jem held onto her tightly and pressed his lips harder into hers, slipping his tongue inside her mouth.

Tessa gasped at the intensity of the kiss but didn't resist.

It felt too nice.

When Jem released her, a smile played on his lips and Tessa couldn't help but smile too.

**Thanks again for reading, please REVIEW and let me know how I am doing okay? Thanks thanks thanks!**


	10. Chapter 10

Except for Will's moody behavior, it was a good meeting and soon they were intoxicated enough to speak their minds freely.

"I want to ask another question of you boys and this time I am sure you won't know what I have a mind to ask." Tessa said weaving her fingers into the fine strands of Jem's pale white hair.

"Well then ask away." Will said motioning with his hand stupidly.

Jem choked out a laugh

"It is a bit personal in nature though." Tessa admitted.

"Personal? Hmm, now I am intrigued." Jem said closing his eyes as Tessa's hands swept across his scalp.

"Well I was just wondering if you two had ever, well I don't really know how to ask this but I really want to know…Have either of you ever been umm, well with a woman? You know, in an intimate manner? Uh..more intimate than we have been you understand?" Tessa managed to stutter out embarrassedly, blushing profusely.

The blush on Jem's face spread quickly to his scalp as he choked, understanding the question.

Both he and Will exchanged glances again, speaking without speaking.

Tessa waited for an answer but they remained quiet.

"A gentleman never tells." Will said

"Oh come now. I want to know!" Tessa said

Will shook his head at Jem but Jem still spoke.

"Yes we have." Jem said simply, as Will groaned.

Tessa waited for more, but Jem didn't look as though he was going to share anymore.

"See Jem! You can't just say yes and expect that to be the end of it! She is going to want to know more!" Will said exasperatedly.

"Very true, may I ask-" Tessa began but was cut off by Will.

"Oh shush will you? I will tell you mine really fast so listen up cause I am not repeating anything, got it?" Will asked

"Got it." Tessa replied trying to hide her excitement and curiosity.

"I have been with three women, the first was two years ago and the last was about a month before we met you." Will said quickly.

"May I ask if I-" Tessa began again, unable to leave the question unasked but was yet again cut off by Will.

"No I will not tell you who they were, besides you wouldn't know them anyway." Will said then looked to Jem.

"What?" Jem asked

"You know very well what James! I told mine now you tell yours! You are the one who agreed to this!" Will said

"Did not!" Jem argued

"Yes you did, when you answered the one question you should have known there would be more." Will said "There always is with her." Will added muttering.

"Alright, I have only been with one person and it was rather unconventional to say the least. But I doubt you will be satisfied with that answer so I will tell you the quick version of the story." Jem said to Tessa and gave Will a warning glare.

"What?" Will asked holding up his hands innocently, trying to hide the smile that was playing on his lips.

"Don't make me hit you. I am not a violent man, but I will thrash you so help me!" Jem warned and Will chuckled bemused.

"The story after all is in part, yours." Jem revealed.

"Really? Please tell." Tessa said eagerly, she couldn't believe they'd actually admitted this much to her.

She knew she had to know though.

She really wanted details, but as a lady she knew she could never ask for them.

She had heard enough talk around about the subject to know the basic workings of the act itself.

She had even secretly read a few books that contained bits of knowledge, but none of that could cure her of the curiosity she felt for the subject.

Whenever the boys touched her and her body warmed of its own accord she always thought of how it would feel to be touched everywhere, but mostly of how that most intimate of acts would feel.

"Well, I guess it starts with my condition." Jem said beginning his story

Tessa listened aptly, not wanting to miss a single word of this tale.

"So Will in his infinitely wise and knowing genius, recommended one day that since we were both in a highly dangerous profession and since I am ill to an extent, that it would be a shame for me to die a virgin." Jem said looking slightly embarrassed.

"It would have been a shame! I wouldn't wish that on any man you know!" Will said interrupting.

"William please be quiet." Jem said

"Just saying! Imagine if we'd have died and you never had that night, terrible shame it would have been." Will continued.

"I want to hear the rest of Jem's story if you don't mind!" Tessa said pointedly to Will.

"Well, excuse me. As he said, he wouldn't even have a story to tell if it wasn't for me." Will said indignantly.

Jem cleared his throat and shot Will a warning glance and Will pretended to hang himself.

"Your insufferable Will, you really are." Tessa said shaking her head at Will's antics and turning back to Jem.

"As I was saying, this was all Will's brilliant idea, so of course he would take me to a less than reputable place to find a lady." Jem said

"It was reputable! Just not for good reasons." Will interrupted again.

Jem shook his head.

"Okay fine, it was populated by mostly downworlder, nothing wrong with that." Will said.

"No not at all, except you might have revealed that bit before you set me up with this woman. Bit of a shock to share my bed with a woman only to find our she was a child of the moon." Jem said

"A child of the moon? Oh you mean a werewolf? How interesting!" Tessa said further intrigued.

"See? She thinks its interesting!" Will announced.

Jem shook his head for the hundredth time before flinging a pillow at Will's head.

"Hey! I am just trying to lighten the situation!" Will said

"What is the uh situation? You weren't bitten or anything were you?" Tessa asked cautiously.

"No, nothing like that. Well, no biting at least." Jem said turning a shy smile to Will who grinned in return.

"What then?" Tessa asked

"Well let us just say that in the throes of passion, she left a nice bloody trail of scratches down my back." Jem said

"Oh my." Tessa quipped

"It wasn't all that bad, he had a good time none the less. Didn't you Jem?" Will said nudging Jem with his elbow.

"It was still…Enjoyable if that's what you mean, despite the unexpected roughness of the woman." Jem said

"You see Tessa, I think Jem fancied his first time to be all romantic with poetry and birds singing. He had to know that's not how things are." Will said lighting another cigarette.

"And why can't the first time be like that? Who says that is the way it should be?" Tessa demanded.

"Because Tessa, this isn't one of you fanciful novels where the heroin meets her prince charming and they are off to his castle to make love passionately under the moonlight." Will explained

"I never said anything about prince charming William, I simply meant why can there be no romance in the act?" Tessa argued.

"There can, don't listen to him Tess." Jem said mildly, patting Tessa's hand.

"Don't fill her head with nonsense Jem, someday she'll go off and get married and she'll be sorely disappointed in what she finds on her wedding night if you keep on like this." Will said easily.

"William, what ever made you think I am going to marry anyone at all? A lady can have love without marriage can't she?" Tessa asked

"I think love is a myth, but I suppose you are correct. You don't have to be married to be intimate, but you might not have the best reputation if you choose that route." Will said warningly

"That's only if people know about it, and besides that, who cares about a damn reputation? Not me." Tessa said.

"Is that so?" Will said.

"Obviously, I am in the company of you two scoundrels. It doesn't say much for my being a lady does it?" Tessa said.

"Scoundrels? Not very lady like at all. So what brought on this curiosity in our ah, should we say personal life? Thinking of getting the first time out of the way already?" Will joked

"Leave it alone will you?" Jem said

"Leave what alone? Its only a question!" Will said defensively

"You are trying to upset her and you know it!" Jem said

"Its fine Jem, really." Tessa said

"See? Its fine Jem." Will mocked.

"You are starting to annoy me Will, just so you know." Jem said

"Its what I live for my friend!" Will said.

"What if I am then Will?" Tessa interjected

"What if you are what?" Will asked distractedly

"What if I am ready to get the first time out of the way already?" Tessa said nervously, licking her lips.

Will looked taken aback and Jem smiled, enjoying the moment.

"What do you mean?" Will said, lowering his voice

"You don't know? You haven't put together what this whole conversation is about yet?" Tessa teased lightly.

"He still doesn't understand." Jem said, joining in on the teasing.

Will got up and filled himself another drink and sat back down with the bottle too.

He looked from Jem to Tessa then he finally comprehended what he was missing.

Tessa wanted to sleep with him or Jem, wanted one of them to be her first.

"I see. But answer me this Tessa darling, which of us would you take into your bed hmm?" Will asked

"Well I think that's easy enough, both of you of course." Tessa said easily.

"Of course." Jem said

"Of course" Will muttered in mockingly.

**Right! Thank you darlings for reading, please REVIEW so I can know what you thought!**


	11. Chapter 11

_**I am sorry that I haven't updated in so long, I was a bit discouraged but I am back, hope you enjoy!**_

Tessa felt empowered by the conversation she had with the boys.

Will had been so surprised at her, but he managed to hide it behind his humor.

"How do you think you will manage to lose your virginity to two men if you don't mind me asking?" Will mocked

"Obviously not at the same time." Tessa said

"Obviously." Will laughed, but it was a strained sort of laugh.

"It could be either one of you really, I am sure we can manage something." Tessa said, her bravery spurred further by the special cigarette.

"I am not following." Will said

"Let us make it a game then." Tessa said

"A game? I rather like it already." Jem said

"I don't see why, you know I beat you at every game we've played." Will said pretending to be bored but still eyeing Tessa from where she sat.

"Well then you won't mind if I make up the rules a bit?" Tessa said slyly.

"Not at all, improvising would only make for a more exciting game." Jem said.

"Well let me modify that by saying it will be more of a contest than a game." Tessa said

"Oh? That changes things, makes it more of a challenge!" Will said

"What will this contest entail then?" Jem asked

"Lets see, your both can be pretty ridiculous sometimes, so why don't we make that the basis for this?" Tessa said.

"Us? Ridiculous? I think not." Will said standing and pulling his trousers up as high as they would go looking quite foolish.

"Ah we will see won't we?" Tessa said laughing at Will's antics.

About a month before the ball Jessamine had surprised Tessa by knocking on her door.

"Tessa, this afternoon a dress maker is coming to fit myself, Charlotte and you for our gowns for the ball." Jessamine said walking into Tessa's room without invitation.

"Oh I thought I would just wear something I already had…" Tessa trailed off remembering she didn't really have mush let alone a formal ball gown.

"There is no way you are wearing your day clothes to the Ball! This is the one bit of fun we get here, we have to do it properly. That means dress, hair and all. Which is also why I am here, I know you are a bit behind when it comes to fashion so I thought I would help you so you know what things to look for when being fitted this afternoon." Jessamine said and went into a whole list of do's and don'ts not only for the gown but also the do's and don'ts of Shadowhunter etiquette.

Tessa hardly said a word before it was time for them to head to the music room where they would be meeting with the tailor.

Charlotte was already there being measured by a small woman, who looked to be in her late fifties.

Beside the small woman was a younger woman who appeared to be her assistant.

Bolts and bolts of fabric lay all over the tables of the room, a shiny green colored fabric was being held up to Charlotte.

"Ah ladies. This is Madam Harold, she will be creating our gowns." Charlotte said pleasantly.

Madam Harold took no note of them but continued moving the fabric around Charlotte, barking note for the younger girl to take.

"Madam Harold came all the way from Idris to create our gowns!" Charlotte said excitedly stepping away from the lady as she was dismissed.

Jessamine stepped forward next, just as someone burst into the music room door.

"Oh I am sorry ladies, I just came to get some string for my violin, it seems Will has tried to play it again and broken some of the strings." Jem said looking around at all the fabric that covered nearly every inch of the room.

Tessa felt a surge of joy seeing Jem, she loved being around them soo much, it excited her just to see them.

"I don't think you will be able to find anything in here at the moment Jem." Charlotte said looking around at the massive amounts of fabric that covered the room.

"I see, have you been fitted for your gown yet Tessa?" Jem asked lowly examining a piece of fabric then dropping it.

"No, I am afraid I am next." Tessa whispered shaking her head in Jessamine's direction where she was barking out just as many orders at the assistant girl as Madam Harold had.

"I understand your distress Tessa, I hate being fitted for suits as well." Jem said leaning against the door frame, making no move to leave.

"You next." Madam barked and Tessa stepped forward onto the small platform.

Immediately she was measured.

"Bah, your too tall! Come down off there." Madam said indicating the dressing platform, as she was now holding fabrics to Tessa.

Tessa stepped down embarrassed.

Madam seemed not to like any of the colors or fabrics on Tessa.

Tessa looked to Jem wearily where he stood in the door way and he looked apologetic before making his way around the room examining several bolts of fabric then settling on one and bringing it forward to Madam.

Tessa knew she didn't care terribly for fashion but she could still appreciate a fine piece of fabric when she saw it and the fabric that Jem brought forward was gorgeous. It was a deep gold silk, with sparkling flecks of a lighter gold woven into it.

"No, no, no! She is too pale for this color-" Madam began, but when Jem gently wrapped the fabric over Tessa, she quieted.

"It could work." Madam said snatching the fabric from his hands. Tessa shared a small smile with him before Jessamine interrupted.

"James! No men in here while ladies are being fitted, you must leave!" Jessamine growled.

"Excuse me then, I'll be on my way." Jem said leaving.

"Thank you Jem." Tessa added before the door closed behind him.

"Do not thank him! I am the one who will be making your masterpiece!" Madam said

Tessa smiled but said nothing else, happy for Jem's choice.

**The Night of the Ball**

Tessa waited in the corridor for the boys fiddling with the little angel on her necklace.

Her gown had turned out more breathtaking than she could have ever imagined.

It had a very tight fitting bodice that was a little low cut for her taste with capped sleeves and a very full bustled skirt with several giant bows down the back.

It was covered in tiny seed pearls which Wendy the maid helped her incorporate in her hair as well which was intricately braided and curled and piled high atop her head.

Charlotte helped her apply a bit of makeup to her face, a smear of shimmering gold pigment on her eyelids, a light sweep of rouge to her cheeks and lips and she was complete. Charlotte dabbed a small bit of perfume behind her ears and on her wrists also and Tessa couldn't get enough of the smell. It had hints of sweet wild flowers to it and something else Tessa couldn't decipher.

As guests made their way down the corridor Tessa noted that many of the woman didn't wear perfume as lightly as she did. The air was heavy with so many different scents Tessa felt slightly dizzy, and decided to make herself unnoticed staying to the shadows when guests passed.

The institute had spared no expense it seemed in decorating the place tonight.

Hundreds of ribbons made of satin hung in the hallway that lead to the ballroom, at each of there ends attached was a tiny sphere that glowed, lighting the way for the guests.

On closer examination Tessa saw that they were a kind of witch light like the ones the Shadowhunters used.

"Do you like them?" A voice asked from behind Tessa, startling her.

The voice was Henry, with Charlotte on his arm.

"Oh yes! They are lovely." Tessa said turning back to the tiny lights awed by them.

"I made them myself, they are powered by witch light you see I-" Henry began but was cut off by Charlotte.

"Dear, shouldn't we go and greet our guests? I am sure you can tell Tessa all about the lights later." Charlotte said

"Oh certainly. Tessa, do enjoy the night, its one of the only bits of fun we get around here!" Henry said

"Oh hush Henry! We have plenty of fun." Charlotte said smiling happily, leading Henry down the corridor to the ballroom.

The exhilaration of having the ball here seemed to be infectious, as soon Tessa found herself smiling for no reason.

Several young woman walked past Tessa in lavishly decorated gowns, one of which had feathers protruding at every angle and the other had small jewels covering her entire gown, which was extremely low cut. They passed Tessa without so much as a glance.

Looking down at herself, Tessa almost felt apprehensive about her gown, she was sure she was under dressed now that she had seen what some of the other women were wearing.

Tessa managed to put aside her apprehension when Jessamine approached with a young man Tessa didn't know holding her arm..

"Ah Tessa! You do look lovely. Your gown turned out perfect. Where did you get those beautiful earrings?" Jessamine said her eyes practically bulging from their sockets.

"Oh! These? Uh they were a gift actually." Tessa said embarrassed.

"From who?" Jessamine interrogated.

Tessa really didn't want to say but she knew she couldn't dodge Jessamine.

Early in the morning, Tessa had heard a tap at her door. It was too early for breakfast so she got up curiously wondering who could be tapping.

She was surprised to find Will, standing there in his night robe holding a small box in his hand.

"Will? Goodness its early!" Tessa exclaimed.

"Yes, well nothing to be done about that. I wanted to give you something privately, so this seemed like my only chance." Will said handing Tessa the box.

Upon opening it she found a pair of gold earrings. They were the most beautiful things Tessa had ever seen, the post was studded by a good sized diamond and dangling from the post was a cage looking shape made of gold holding a perfectly round pearl.

They were exquisite and would match her gown for the Ball perfectly.

"They are wonderful William. But they are too much. I'm afraid I can't take them." Tessa insisted pushing them back into his hand. Will held onto her hands in his.

"Jem told me what color your dress was to be so I thought these could be worn with it. It was no trouble really. Please take them." Will insisted, uncharacteristically bashful as he looked down at the earrings instead of Tessa.

Tessa leaped into Will's arms hugging him tightly, then placing a kiss on his lips.

"Thank you so much." Tessa said nearing the verge of tears. She had never received anything so lovely in her life except for her clockwork angel.

"It was nothing, I will see you tonight. I expect you will be too busy preparing today so our meeting won't be possible." Will said gripping Tessa's hand before disappearing down the hall.

Tessa snapped back to the moment as Jessamine continued to push for an answer to who gave her the earrings.

"Will gave them to me. He thought they would match my dress." Tessa said finally.

"Will did? What in the world? Where did he get something as beautiful as those earrings?" Jessamine said stunned.

"I am afraid that's a secret I shall take with me to my death." Will said coming down the corridor with Jem. Jessamine rolled her eyes and made her way into the ballroom.

Tessa took no note, unable to get over the sight of the boys in their finest attire.

She had to admit they cleaned up nicely.

These dress clothes were not like the nice outfits they had worn on their night out.

No these were very dashing suits, tails and all.

"Well hello gentlemen! You've kept me waiting quite a while now!" Tessa joked.

"You my dear Miss Gray are absolutely radiant." Will said making a spectacle of kissing Tessa's hand, to which she giggled in a very un-Tessa like way.

"You are a sight Tessa." Jem said honestly taking Tessa's hand a kissing it in a less attention seeking way.

"Shall we get this party on the road then?" Will said offering Tessa one of his arms.

"Yes, lets do this." Tessa said as she took one of Will's arms and one of Jem's and prepared herself to make her grand entrance with the two most handsome men in the building.


	12. Chapter 12

Six sects of Shadow hunters were all gathered together for one ball, and Tessa couldn't help but notice that she was the only Downworlder present.

"You look better than anyone here Tessa." Jem whispered gripping her hand in his as they made there way through the crowd to the refreshment area.

Excitement ran hand in hand with the trepidation she felt. By the nights end she would declare a winner and spend the night with that person.

She tried to think who she would want it to be but felt immediately guilty for considering choosing a side.

She needed them both and could not go and ruin that by being choosy.

Whoever won, won and that was it.

She wondered if it would be really painful, knowing the mechanics of the process wasn't much of a comfort as it didn't seem that part of a man could fit in that part of her.

"What are you thinking about? Your face looks like you just smelled something unpleasant." Will asked

"Really?" Tessa asked trying to make her face void of emotion.

"Leave her be." Jem chided Will gently, and Will smirked.

"Well boys, are you ready to make a spectacle?" Tessa asked

They grinned in unison.

The idea was that the boys would each in turn cause a spectacle that would make them look ridiculous, but Tessa wouldn't know when they were going to act.

Dancing with Jem, Tessa spotted Will at the top of the stairway wearing an old ratty lady's gown over his suit, lace spilled from the sleeves, moth holes covering the skirt and the bosom was stuffed with scarves.

Tessa gaped as she watched Will scream something that sounded like a curse word in French and then proceed to slide down the banister and crash to the floor at the feet of an overly decorated older woman. The crowd laughed, but many looked uncomfortable. When the woman looked down in horror, Will stood and curtsied the woman then skipped across the ballroom to Tessa and bowed down and kissed her shoe gently.

Tessa knew she should be horrified but it was too funny.

"May I cut in good sir?" Will asked Jem in a very stuffy voice, Jem stifled a laugh as he released Tessa to Will.

"He's all yours." Jem whispered to Tessa before disappearing into the crowd.

Tessa let Will lead her into a dance and she kept a perfectly serious face while dancing with a man dressed in an old ratty woman's gown.

"You are insane." Tessa whispered as he twirled her around many people moved to avoid dancing next to them.

"Your wish is out command." Will said with a devilish smile, then added "Uh-oh!".

"Uh-oh what?" Tessa asked but as she turned she spotted Charlotte marching towards them angrily.

"Oh no. This can't be good." Tessa agreed.

"What in the world are you thinking William Herondale? Take that ridiculous gown off this instant! Where did you even get that?" Charlotte raged.

"Funny you should ask! I was up in the attic and-" Will began but was cut off again by Charlotte.

"I don't care where you got it, but you better take it off this instant or I will have to resort to breaking bones!" Charlotte snapped.

"Take it off? Right here in front of everyone? A lady has to have some modesty Charlotte." Will said

Charlotte's face began to turn red as she seemed to be trying to not kill Will where he stood.

"Take-it-off!" Charlotte hissed and began to yank Will away with more force than Tessa knew such a small woman could muster.

Midway across the dance floor, Charlotte froze and the released Will.

"By the Angel, what on earth has gotten into you two!" Charlotte cried as Jem strode down the same staircase as Will had, only he wasn't wearing an old dress, he wasn't wearing a stitch of clothing with the exception of a white handkerchief strategically placed over his neither regions.

With the exception of Tessa, Will and Charlotte, none of the guests had yet to see Jem. Charlotte began racing towards him shaking her head warningly at him, but he kept on down the stairs and then burst into song. At the top of his lungs he began to sing an Italian aria most beautifully.

Tessa thought he looked very angelic with his white hair and white handkerchief, but was sure no one else was going to see the beauty in an almost naked young man striding down the stairs.

When Jem got to the last step he stopped singing and did a silly little dance then bowed to the crowd, and to Tessa's surprise simply roared with laughter at the scene.

Charlotte reached Jem and shoved him into the hallway followed by Will and Tessa.

"I don't know what you two think you are doing but you are not just making a spectacle of yourselves you idiots! You are making myself and Henry look like idiots as well!" Charlotte raged poking both boys in the chest.

"If either of you so much as laughs to loud tonight, I will take you into the cellar and slice you both into small pieces. Am I understood?" Charlotte threatened.

Tessa looked a little fearfully at Charlotte. She had never seen her so angry, or speak so menacingly.

"We understand." Both Will and Jem said. Charlotte took a deep breath as if trying to calm herself.

"Good, now both of you go and make yourselves presentable and then you may rejoin the ball. Remember, if you do anything else to embarrass me tonight, I will destroy the both of you." Charlotte said in her even, calm voice then smiled and strode back out to the ball where Tessa could hear her speaking to another guest.

"Oh yes, just a little joke on our part, we wanted to liven things up a bit this year." Charlotte lied.

"I think you two should get changed before Charlotte…I think she said she would destroy you two." Tessa said with a shaky laugh.

"But what about the contest?" Will asked

"I think it is clear that I won." Jem said

"Ha! One round is hardly merit enough to declare a winner." Will said marching up stairs holding his dress up like a girl, Tessa followed him and Jem came up last to spare any of them having to look at his naked behind the whole way upstairs.

"This is true, I think I will just have to think of a tie breaker of some sort." Tessa mused

"Like what?" Will asked as he began to strip off the dress inside Jem's room. Jem disappeared behind a screen to change.

"Oh I am tired of these games. I didn't think the last game through, we could have caused some serious trouble for Charlotte. Lets just make it simple. Jem you are red, Will you are blue." Tessa said.

"I don't think I know this game." Jem said coming out from behind the curtain dressed in his suit again.

"Cause I just made it up. Now that you each know your colors, we will ask the first person we come upon to choose a color. The color this person chooses, will win." Tessa said finally.

"Boring, but to the point." Will said as they left the room.

"So about the arrangements for tonight, where shall it happen?" Tessa asked trying to keep the question business like.

"Well your bedroom is out of the question. Jessamine could hear, so it will have to be either of our rooms." Will said offhandedly.

"Of course." Tessa said but she could feel her face burning.

As the trio rounded the corner they ran into Henry.

"Hello, all dressed I see. Charlotte sent me to make sure you lads came back out decent." Henry said guiltily.

"No more gowns for me, they are awfully hot." Will said with a smirk.

"Yes and it's quite cold without any clothing, so I think I will stick to trousers." Jem said trying not to laugh.

"Good, good, I will just get back to the ball then." Henry said turning to leave.

"Oh Henry wait! Will you answer a quick question for us?" Tessa asked and both boys groaned.

"Um, sure?" Henry said nervously and sounded as though he were asking a question himself.

"Well, not really a question. If you could just pick a color. Blue or Red?" Tessa said and Henry looked relieved.

"Blue." Henry said automatically.

Jem sighed and Will whooped.

"Thank you so very much for your help Henry, always did like you old boy!" Will said cheerfully.

"Yes, well better get back." Henry said bouncing down the stairs.

Tessa felt her heart pound.

The situation was much more real now that she knew who she would be spending the night with. She felt very pleased but told herself she would have felt the same had it been Jem chosen.

"Well congratulations Will, do behave yourself." Jem said with a smile, no resentment in his voice. His smile was rueful, but not bitter and Tessa couldn't help but lean in and kiss him quickly.

"Can't win them all!" Will said to Jem and Tessa shot him a warning glare.

"Don't boast too much Will, Charlotte can still chop you up into very small pieces in the cellar you know." Tessa said and they all laughed.


	13. Chapter 13

**_A/N: So sorry I have taken so long to get this up. I just wasn't sure if I was going to continue on or not but I know some of you want to know what happens. I will likely post a few more chapters but after "Clockwork Prince" comes out, I will likely end this as it probably won't be of interest. Thank you to those who stuck by this and supported me! Enjoy. _**

**Two Months Since The Ball… **

The hunger in their eyes was what scared Will.

They looked like they couldn't wait to be alone together, like they needed each other more than anything in that moment.

Jealousy burned through his entire body at the thought of her with anyone but him.

The sharing bit was old.

He needed her all to himself, but he ruined that.

And for all the jealousy, most of the pain came from the fact that once upon a time, she had gazed at him with that same look of desperation, hunger and wanting.

The night he had spent with her played in his mind over and over again.

He had spent other nights with Tessa, many others.

But that wasn't the point, the point was that the times since the first were not truly his, he had to share with Jem and that made his blood boil.

He hadn't expected that reaction in himself.

But she was his.

He was her first and he should be her only one, that was all he wanted.

It was too much to ask for.

He pushed her away again.

He let his jealousy get the better of him until Tessa turned completely to Jem.

She still joined them both for their leisure hours and smoked and petted and sometimes more, but it was never much and Will never felt he was getting the attention he deserved.

Every time Will tried to engage Tessa in conversation she seemed distracted and that same look was in her eyes.

One only need follow her gaze to see the object of her attention.

Jem was looking at her the very same way.

He wanted to peel the flesh from his body and that thought sickened him even more.

He loved Jem like no other, his brother, his only real family really.

He still loved Jem, but this jealousy was unbearable.

He would do anything for Jem, give him anything, but not her.

Not anymore.

Couldn't they see how he felt?

They must be laughing it up over him.

Silly Will.

They probably thought him an idiot.

He knew what they were up to.

He heard her creeping down the halls to Jem's room when everyone else was asleep and he felt the sting that he was not invited.

It had always been him and Jem, partners, brothers.

With Tessa in the picture things slowly became complicated.

Both of them couldn't win in the end.

They should have known that this would happen, one would get jealous.

How was Will to know it would be him?

Everyone was fussing around the institute for something or another, Will couldn't bring himself to care.

Giving up all hope of talking to her, of making her understand how he felt for her, he retreated to the library where he could be alone with his thoughts and misery.

Inside it held a staircase that wound high up to a small balcony.

Climbing up the narrow steps he enjoyed the darkness and the unseen feeling of laying at the top of the stairwell.

It felt to him exactly how a fly on the wall might feel, except there was no one here in the darkness to watch.

Lighting up a laced cigarette, Will relaxed a bit and even began to nod off.

Hours alone in the stairwell he listened as someone snuck into the library and silently locked the door behind them.

Hushed whispers followed and immediately recognized the dulcet tones of Jem's voice followed by the higher tones of Tessa's.

He dare not even take a breath as he looked down from his vantage point at the two lovers below.

Her dinner gown was being yanked off in rough jerking motions, again the desperation, the need.

Jem was whispering things in her ear, things that Will would kill to hear, things he could only imagine.

Tessa helped him with the ties of her dress, pulling at his clothing just as roughly, he small hands fast and able.

Jem peppered kisses down Tessa's throat and ran his hand down her chemise covered form.

Tessa held up her arms and Jem pulled the under gown over her head leaving her bare of any under things.

Will's could feel his mouth water and he bit his lip until he tasted blood.

Had she ever been so open with Will?

Did she ever trust him so completely?

Will liked to think so, before.

Before he ruined things as he always did.

Tessa gasped aloud as Jem's mouth found her nipple and Will tried to make himself turn away from the agony he was making himself endure by watching but instead he shut his eyes.

Another gasp and moan from Tessa and Will's eyes shot open.

Unable to turn away, Will watched as they moved together, their bodies devoured by the need.

Jem crouched on the wooden floors with Tessa cradled beneath him as he righted himself against her.

Will knew the moment Jem had entered her as the low lamplight couldn't hide the flush that spread through her body.

Her stifled cries of pleasure were mingled with Jem's soft moans and Will felt disgusted to find himself aroused.

As they clung together becoming one by their act, Will felt himself drift further away into himself.

Fervent gasps and cries from Tessa brought him back, her lips were swollen and red from kissing, she was nearing her climax.

Hating himself now for his own disturbing need to watch her come, even if it wasn't with him.

Jem began thrusting faster as Tessa thrashed beneath him, finally coming. Moments later Jem's thrusts slowed as he too came, his pale skin shimmering with sweat.

Will would never tell a soul, but in that moment, he cried silently, his heart hurting in ways he didn't know it could.

It wasn't the first time Will had been present during sex between the two, but this time Will felt he saw the unrestrained Jem and Tessa.

This was them when they thought no one was watching or listening.

Jem peppered tiny kisses down Tessa's body as they lay in the heap of their clothing and fallen couch cushions.

Soon enough they were at it again, Tessa rising up to straddle Jem beneath her.

Will watched as Jem's hands grasped tightly at the flesh of Tessa's hips.

They lasted longer this time, Tessa riding Jem until he came then rocking until she to climaxed.

Tessa collapsed atop Jem momentarily then rolled to lay beside him. They whispered things that Will again couldn't make out and laughed as they shared small kisses and then began to dress.

Jem helped Tessa fasten and straighten her dress, smoothing the wrinkles they had created in there fervent moments.

As Jem closed a clasp on the back of Tessa's dress, He planted a soft, gentle kiss at the base of her nape and lingered there breathing in her scent and Tessa reached back and grasped Jem's hand in her own.

Will bit into his knuckles with such force that he broke the skin and tasted blood in his mouth.

It was all he could do not scream out at the sight.

Such an unobtrusive thing the kiss to her nape was in comparison to what they had just done, but Will felt sickened with the intimacy of it.

Why had he never done that?

Kissed the pale smooth flesh of her nape, it was all he wanted to do now.

When they left just as stealthily as they came, Will rose and vomited into the trash basket.

He hated them both.


End file.
